· Music round-up Iron and Wine at the Orpheum Theatre; Meiko at the Hotel Cafe; Carole King and James Taylor celebrate the Troubadour’s 50h Anniversary.
· Inventor/writer Cy Tymony signs his book Sneakiest Uses for Everyday Things at the Barnes and Noble in Santa Monica, which may or may not include a discussion of how to most effectively torture your abusive boss with nothing more than a paper clip and Bic lighter.
· Ubiquitous cinematic badass Chris Cooper will be on hand at the Aero for a special screening of Breach, in which he plays infamous FBI turncoat Robert Hanssen. (Sorry, no Phillippe this time.)

• Iron and Wine, Sneaky Uses, Chris Cooper [To Do]
• To Do: Buckingham, Overlord, Strummer
• To Do: Buckingham, Overlord, Strummer
• Short Ends: Ben Affleck’s Big, Corn-Suited Comeback
• To Do: Great Northern, Jaws, Leisure Architecture

So successful (read: chock full of cute, single writers) was the inaugural Gay Gate march outside Raleigh Studios that the organizers have already called for a sequel. Gay Gate 2: Return to Oz is slated for tomorrow at 10 a.m. outside NBC. Why NBC? A gay striker explains in a rallying e-mail:

I asked myself that same question. I came up with these reasons:

1) The gays can help save THE BIONIC WOMAN. You just need more fembots.
2) HEROES is quickly becoming the gayest show on television. It’s a show with a bunch of men who run around shirtless for no reason. It’s like West Hollywood on Saturday night.

3) CHUCK. I’ve got nothing on this. His name sounds like–
4) JOURNEYMAN. It’s set in San Francisco about a man who tells his wife he is a “time traveler” and constantly disappears. We all know what “time traveler” is code for.
5) LIFE. Not exactly gay, but it’s about a man who spends his entire life seeking revenge on men who wronged him. Anyone who knows me, knows I have the same map on my bedroom wall at home.
6) ELLEN DEGENERES. We know longer claim her.
7) THE BIGGEST LOSER. Bob Harper is soon to be my new boyfriend.
LAW & ORDER: SVU: Mariska Hargitay’s hair.
9) DEAL OR NO DEAL. It’s a show with 26 drag queens and suitcases.
10) LAS VEGAS. Two words: Josh Duhamel.

With the exception of DeGeneres–for whom it will surely come as a blow to learn that her refusal to stand in solidarity with her fellow LGBTWGA members has resulted in an official Gay Shunning–the rest of the very queer-friendly NBC schedule should set the stage for another good turnout. Still, we think Gay Gaters are ignoring the most obvious reason to bring their rainbow residuals rally to the network’s headquarters: the not-unlikely chance that a smiling Ben Silverman will eventually emerge from an elevator carrying two pitchers of freshly blended margaritas, with hunky new American Gladiators stars Powerbottom, Fierce and Cruiser on hand to serve them up for the desperately-in-need-of-a-cocktail crowd.

• Gay Gate II, The Sequel [hotinhollywood.tv]
• Previously: WGA Gays Maximize Their Picketing Time With Singles’ Mixer [Defamer]

• Gay Strikers Get A Second Chance At Love At NBC Rally [Gay Gate]
• Sumner Redstone, Nick Counter Feel The Sharpie-Induced Sting Of Gay Gate Picketers [Swingers And Bottom Dept]
• WGA Gays Maximize Their Picketing Time With Singles’ Mixer [Gay Gate]
• Today’s most popular headlines are Another … [Stats Feed]
• Iggy Gate: Ready To Put Talk Of Cruelly Seized Dogs Behind Her, Ellen Returns To The Job

So successful (read: chock full of cute, single writers) was the inaugural Gay Gate march outside Raleigh Studios that the organizers have already called for a sequel. Gay Gate 2: Return to Oz is slated for tomorrow at 10 a.m. outside NBC. Why NBC? A gay striker explains in a rallying e-mail:

I asked myself that same question. I came up with these reasons:

1) The gays can help save THE BIONIC WOMAN. You just need more fembots.
2) HEROES is quickly becoming the gayest show on television. It’s a show with a bunch of men who run around shirtless for no reason. It’s like West Hollywood on Saturday night.

3) CHUCK. I’ve got nothing on this. His name sounds like–
4) JOURNEYMAN. It’s set in San Francisco about a man who tells his wife he is a “time traveler” and constantly disappears. We all know what “time traveler” is code for.
5) LIFE. Not exactly gay, but it’s about a man who spends his entire life seeking revenge on men who wronged him. Anyone who knows me, knows I have the same map on my bedroom wall at home.
6) ELLEN DEGENERES. We know longer claim her.
7) THE BIGGEST LOSER. Bob Harper is soon to be my new boyfriend.
LAW & ORDER: SVU: Mariska Hargitay’s hair.
9) DEAL OR NO DEAL. It’s a show with 26 drag queens and suitcases.
10) LAS VEGAS. Two words: Josh Duhamel.

With the exception of DeGeneres–for whom it will surely come as a blow to learn that her refusal to stand in solidarity with her fellow LGBTWGA members has resulted in an official Gay Shunning–the rest of the very queer-friendly NBC schedule should set the stage for another good turnout. Still, we think Gay Gaters are ignoring the most obvious reason to bring their rainbow residuals rally to the network’s headquarters: the not-unlikely chance that a smiling Ben Silverman will eventually emerge from an elevator carrying two pitchers of freshly blended margaritas, with hunky new American Gladiators stars Powerbottom, Fierce and Cruiser on hand to serve them up for the desperately-in-need-of-a-cocktail crowd.

• Gay Gate II, The Sequel [hotinhollywood.tv]
• Previously: WGA Gays Maximize Their Picketing Time With Singles’ Mixer [Defamer]

• Gay Strikers Get A Second Chance At Love At NBC Rally [Gay Gate]
• Sumner Redstone, Nick Counter Feel The Sharpie-Induced Sting Of Gay Gate Picketers [Swingers And Bottom Dept]
• WGA Gays Maximize Their Picketing Time With Singles’ Mixer [Gay Gate]
• Today’s most popular headlines are Another … [Stats Feed]
• Iggy Gate: Ready To Put Talk Of Cruelly Seized Dogs Behind Her, Ellen Returns To The Job

Truth be told, we can’t be made to care about who took home the Golden Tap Shoes–by far the most coveted of all the celebrity-based reality TV talent competition trophies–on last night’s Dancing with the Stars finale, even after discovering that the heady rush of victory was so overwhelming that the show’s new champion was moved to drop his fiancée like she was a tango partner who caught fire in the middle of a dip. The only reason we even bothered to tune in to the fifteen-hour coronation ceremony was to check in on Marie Osmond, America’s Emotionally Fragile Sweetheart, whom we weren’t sure would survive the defeat her now-legendary Baby Doll Dance of Despair made all but inevitable.

Thankfully, Osmond did somehow find the inner strength to weather this crushing disappointment, at least temporarily; as you can hear for yourself in the above clip, she made it through her brief concession speech without a meltdown. However, once the reality of her third-place finish finally sank in, she unexpectedly returned to the set with the giant key used to wind her up during her ill-received doll performance, nearly bludgeoning judge Bruno Tonioli to death with the prop for the perceived role his tragically sassy comment about her looking like a cross between “Baby Jane and the bride of Chucky” played in destroying her dreams.

• Dancing with the Stars [ABC.com]
• Previously: Marie Osmond’s Baby Doll Dance Of Despair [Defamer]

• Third-Place Finisher Marie Osmond Deprives ‘Dancing’ Audience Of Much-Anticipated Emotional Meltdown [Also-rans]
• Marie Osmond Collapses During Dancing with the Stars
• Dancing with the Stars Summary: Farewell, Marie Osmond
• Marie Osmond’s Son Enters Rehab
• Fainting with the Stars: The Marie Osmond Collapse

Truth be told, we can’t be made to care about who took home the Golden Tap Shoes–by far the most coveted of all the celebrity-based reality TV talent competition trophies–on last night’s Dancing with the Stars finale, even after discovering that the heady rush of victory was so overwhelming that the show’s new champion was moved to drop his fiancée like she was a tango partner who caught fire in the middle of a dip. The only reason we even bothered to tune in to the fifteen-hour coronation ceremony was to check in on Marie Osmond, America’s Emotionally Fragile Sweetheart, whom we weren’t sure would survive the defeat her now-legendary Baby Doll Dance of Despair made all but inevitable.

Thankfully, Osmond did somehow find the inner strength to weather this crushing disappointment, at least temporarily; as you can hear for yourself in the above clip, she made it through her brief concession speech without a meltdown. However, once the reality of her third-place finish finally sank in, she unexpectedly returned to the set with the giant key used to wind her up during her ill-received doll performance, nearly bludgeoning judge Bruno Tonioli to death with the prop for the perceived role his tragically sassy comment about her looking like a cross between “Baby Jane and the bride of Chucky” played in destroying her dreams.

• Dancing with the Stars [ABC.com]
• Previously: Marie Osmond’s Baby Doll Dance Of Despair [Defamer]

• Third-Place Finisher Marie Osmond Deprives ‘Dancing’ Audience Of Much-Anticipated Emotional Meltdown [Also-rans]
• Marie Osmond Collapses During Dancing with the Stars
• Dancing with the Stars Summary: Farewell, Marie Osmond
• Marie Osmond’s Son Enters Rehab
• Fainting with the Stars: The Marie Osmond Collapse