Blogger Harlem 26.2 (whose description, “The chronicles of a Black man running through Harlem in pursuit of rebuilding his business, a sub 3:00 marathon, and a wife - all through the lens of running,” is our current favorite) has been following all the Katie Holmes marathon conspiracy theorizing closely, and adds a fascinating insight to the mix that discounts the popular “lone runman” theory:

All the conspiracy theories fail to mention or recognize the “mystery runner” that accompanied Katie in the race.

He wore bib # 6074, he does not show up or exist in the results database. He’s the first runner in the history of the NYC Marathon to “not exist”. He can be seen in photos on Flickr, we have the links on our site, just look in the comments of today, you’ll see them.

The conspiracy fails when you see Katie has registered “split times” - however they could have been recorded by this “mystery runner, bib # 6074 - wearing her assigned timing chip - clearly adjacent to her at all times in the few photos that exists. Check out site, the photos on flickr, the NYC Marathon database - that runner is a total mystery….

One obvious explanation is that the tall, dark, and handsome mystery runner is Holmes’s bodyguard, as the guy looks like he knows his way around a Krav Maga death-pinch. Still, that doesn’t entirely rule out that Agent 6074’s frequency-mimicking chip wasn’t also receiving constant wireless dispatches from HQ, instructing him at one point to “detonate the fire hydrant by the entrance to the Queensboro bridge, then replace Runaway Bride with her bionic cyberclone during the ensuing confusion. Over?”

• Katie Holmes & Dave Letterman : NYC Marathon Conspiracy? [Harlem 26.2]
• Katie Holmes Marathon Photos [Flickr]

Well, in case you hadn’t heard the news, we got hit with a copyright infringement notice from the Church Of Scientology earlier today. Frankly, we’ve been too busy watching repeat after repeat of Defamer’s appearance on The Today Show this morning to pay it much mind. After all, that’s what they pay lawyers for, right? Anyhoo, we managed to get our paws on another outtake from the DVD from whence the “Freedom Medal Of Valor” speech came*. In it, Tom Cruise helps explain how he saved America after 9/11 … without even asking for permission!

Here’s the thing. We applaud the way that T.C. lent his fame and stardom to helping the cause in the wake of the terrible events of 9/11, we really do. There are countless numbers of celebrities (who shall go unnamed) that didn’t help out in the way that Tom did. The thing that gives us pause, more than anything, is Tom’s continued insistence on using hand gestures and onomatopoeia to express his point. In this clip, he gives an energetic “phooot!” to demonstrate the urgency with which Scientologists must leap to action when the going gets tough. Anyone else find this unsettling?

Also, in case you missed it, here’s the self-congratulatory clip from The Today Show this morning. We heart you too, Meredith! Tell Natalie Morales to step off for us, will ya?

For more clips, head over to Gawker. They’ve got scads.

*Everytime you say “Freedom Medal of Valor”, we are suggesting that it immediately be followed with a rousing chant of “America, fuck yeah!” Make it happen, people.