By now, we hang on every word of the thoughtful analysis of the charms of our nation’s steel towns that drip like honey from the lips of reticent, camera-shy starlet Sienna Miller. Thrillingly, The Sun reports that, while stumbling out of celebration for her clothing line’s London debut, Sienna was caught on tape delivering an elegant stream of nuanced social commentary at the throng of waiting photographers:

She shouted: “F*** off, you f***ing ****s.

“See you in court, you f***ing rapists.”

One photographer who was at the launch said he was shocked at the outburst.

He said: “I was quite flabbergasted.

“We were just doing our jobs, all we were trying to do was get some quotes on how the opening of the shop went and she called us all rapists. […]

It was completely the wrong context to use that word.”

Many thanks to this innocent working man for clearing up that no actual rape was involved, as, quite frankly, we’re still disoriented from the news that the expired It Girl–mild-mannered dispenser of love-taps; accidental potty-mouth–would embarrass herself in public. It’s a slippery slope from here; if she’s not careful, such skirmishes might altogether erase America’s memory of her marginal career as a semi-professional cuckolded girlfriend who also sometimes acts. . It hardly bodes well that she has yet to win a part as a Hogwarts teacher or walk-on mythical woodland creature in the Harry Potter films — roles we assumed were a birthright to any British citizen who has ever written “actor” in the occupation line of their tax returns. Maybe she should just give up now.

• Sienna’s Vile Drunken Tirade [The Sun Online]

If you, like us, have at times found yourself wondering what ever happened to Dessarae Bradford, author of I Fucked Alec Baldwin In His Ass (a Quality Paperback Bookclub Selection of the Month™!), guerrilla ambusher of Tonight Show appearances, and, with the recent publication of Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy, quickly becoming one of the most prolific celebrity-stalking fruitcake authoresses in recent history–well, then, this is your lucky day. A press release has landed in our inbox from Dessarae herself, updating us to the various exciting projects in development at her production company, based out of an air conditioning exhaust vent behind the 99¢ Only store at Wilshire and Fairfax. A mere taste:

Greetings, this is Dessarae Bradford author ofr [sic] the book Colin Farrell: A Dark Twitsted [sic] Puppy, and whom caused a stir on the Tonight Show With Jay Leno confronting Colin Farrell last July.

I wanted all my friends in the media to be the first to get the update on what I have in store for you all this year.

First, since my departure from the spot light, I have been working on my album entitled: DESSARAE BRADFORD UNRESTRAINED which features my new rock metal, and hip hop songs ” Poison Love” a rock ballet [sic?] and ” Rage” a hard metal song that will be presenting first as a single. My “Rage” song targets the two most villianized [sic] figures of our time Osama Bin Laden and Oj Simpson.

Being that those two men are so deeply hated in our culture though for different reason, I decided to write a song in capsulatingt [sic] the hatred that alot [sic] feel for them. […]

In the “RAGE” video that will be shot in early September, I stalk out Oj and Bin Laden look alikes and murder them during the video hardcore yet comicly [sic], while chanting the hook of the song “YOUR DEATH IS MY REWARD.”

And that’s just the beginning! The full release, published on Bradford’s website, goes on to relay her plans to conquer every facet of the entertainment industry, not the least of which includes her first movie–a self-produced, semi-autobiographical erotic love story, working title, Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy - The Movie. It’s certain to be the crowning jewel of the multimedia assault inspired by the vernal, canine mating habits of the Irish movie star.

• FIRST ANNOUNCEMENT [blessedadventurepub]

At the height of Owen Wilson’s very public personal crisis, Courtney Love uncharacteristically offered up her own, highly opinionated views on the topic–suicide and hard drugs being two subjects that run, pun only partially intended, deeply in her veins. Suspecting she knew exactly who and what led Wilson to his act of desperation, the singer told Us magazine that the culprit was Steve Coogan: A far bigger star in the U.K. than in the U.S., Coogan gained fame overseas for his TV portrayal of dim-bulbed newsman Alan Partridge. (In this clip, he fittingly admits he has no idea who Kurt Cobain is, and is baffled over why he might have taken his own life.) Coogan and Love had a brief affair, which was rumored to have caused a pregnancy, but that thankfully produced no illegitimate children–between Love’s body dysmorphia and Coogan’s English dental genes, the kid never stood a chance.

Once the actor befriended Wilson on the set of A Night of the Museum–the two men played warring diorama figurines–it was only a matter of time, Love suspected, before they mounted their miniature horses and galloped off into the dark abyss. Now Coogan, who was set to have a cameo in the same Ben Stiller-directed movie from which Wilson just pulled out, has rushed back to town for what will likely be the greatest damage control performance of his life. From Page Six:

Our source reports, “Coogan was in Hawaii when the news [of Wilson’s suicide try] hit, but he came back Wednesday night and is trying to get in touch with Owen, Luke [Wilson] and Ben [Stiller]. He’s trying to make sure that the movie [’Tropic Thunder’] doesn’t fall through now.”

Coogan fired back on “Access Hollywood,” saying, “I do want to set the record straight and say that the allegations . . . are completely and utterly false.” […]

Love hasn’t had contact with Coogan in months, except for an e-mail she sent him after Wilson’s suicide attempt. It read, “You must feel really great right now. Does this feel life-affirming?” Love has said on her Web site she’ll have no further comment.

There would, of course, be more comment–lots more–including this choice one from an interview with The Sun: “Hopefully the guy will leave us alone in this town and go back to Brighton or wherever the hell he’s from…and stay there.” If Coogan does manage to salvage his Thunder cameo, we suspect the production will quickly become The Most Awkward Set in Hollywood, marked by excruciating moments in which the actor idles up to the craft services table to see what Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. are laughing so heartily about, only to have the three stars fall deadly silent, before ringleader Downey Jr. pipes in, “At least I never took anyone down with me, you fish n’ chips-eating enabler.”

• OWEN BUDDY: DON’T BLAME ME [NY Post]
• Love: Coogan should go home [The Sun]

This week in National Enquirer, along with Brad and Angie’s custody battle over Shiloh–, which is so untrue, I’m not even going to bother writing about it; whoever the lead was on…

[[ Visit http://www.hollywoodheartbreaker.com/ for the rest of the story. ]]