· Owen Wilson attempts the unthinkable.
· The Hoboken Beach Diet Bandit terrorizes Paradigm.
· 1 out of 1 moms asked love Kid Nation.
· Bruce Cutler abandons Phil Spector.
· Defamer visits the Derby Dolls.
· Miss Teen South Carolina gives what could likely be the worst answer in pageant history.
· Jim Carrey sends one from the heart.
· K-Fed becomes The CW’s new secret weapon.
· 50 Cent becomes Britney’s.
· Cavemen drops the pretense.
· Andy Dick does Andy Dick.
· Big Brother’s Amber goes from Head of Household to head of the free world.
· Posh Spice gets a job.
· Dessarae Bradford plugs her projects.

[Ed. note: We’ll be off Monday, then back Tuesday, when Mark returns. Another huge thank you to guest editor extraordinaire Heather Cocks of Go Fug Yourself. Have a great long weekend everyone. -Seth]

· What happens when a Photoshop contest asks entrants to combine half of one celebrity’s face with half of another’s? You likely never sleep again.
· “Club: Andy Dick groped, offended, urinated.” Your point?
· You didn’t think we’d let you get away for your long weekend without letting you know what Chad Michael Murray thought about K-Fed, did you? He likes him!
· Fine, so maybe Terrence Howard has some strange preoccupation with feminine hygiene and baby wipes. He also saved a Los Angeles magazine reporter from choking to death on a piece of sushi with the Heimlich maneuver. (But then insisted she dispose of the offending Unagi morsel with a hermetically sealed Wet-Nap.)
· There’s something bothering us about Hillary Clinton and we just can’t put our fingers on it.

We admit that our knowledge of the choreography world is extremely limited–we cite So You Think You Can Dance finalist Danny Tidwell’s ode to a Grecian goddess and the “Thank You For Being a Friend” Dancers as some of our major influences–so we’ll just have to take Defamer videographer Molly McAleer’s word that the attendees of The Carnival “Choreographer’s Ball,” held last night at the Key Club, are some of the biggest figures in the hip-hop dance arena. If you’ve ever wondered where the latest, outrageously named dance crazes are launched, apparently it’s right here at this star-studded showcase, where even K-Fed has been known to make an appearance, showing off his ridiculous Toe Wop, Aunt Jackie, and Chicken Noodle Soup games.

• [DMKWorld.com]

Friday
· Music round-up: You, Me and Iowa at Spaceland, Downtown Six at the Viper Room, and the Great Glass Elevator goes nowhere at the Troubadour.
· Did you have any idea that it’s BlogDay today? Well it is! What did you get us?
· American Cinematheque at the Aero Theatre presents 1970 concert doc Led Zeppelin Live at the Royal Albert Hall. Director Stanley Dorfman will be on hand for a discussion.

Saturday
· A 48-hour Think Tank kicks off tonight at Echo Park’s Eighteen-Thirty performance and art space. It’s like a slumber party where artists, progressive thinkers, and educators gather to discuss how “day-to-day life and culture intersect, conflict, and cross-pollinate,” and to do each other’s hair and rate boys.
· Brian Jonestown Massacre at the Echoplex, The Minus 5 at Spaceland, and John Digweed is at the Avalon.
· Author Diana Serra Cary presents Jackie Coogan, The World’s Boy King: A Biography of Hollywood’s Legendary Child Star, at Skylight Books.
Sunday
· Summer Strummer 2007 at Bergamot Station in Santa Monica features Deadbolt, Jesse Malin, Eddie Spaghetti, Whitestarr, and more. We’re told it will be a dirty good time.
· Did you have any idea that it’s L.A. 226th birthday? Well it is! What did you get it? Perhaps you’d like to join the annual nine-mile “Los Pobladores” walk from the San Gabriel Mission to the El Pueblo Historical Monument to celebrate!
Monday
· It’s Labor Day! Founded in 1882, Labor Day “originating from a desire by the Central Labor Union to create a day off for the ‘working man.’”

OK! magazine’s dramatically unspecific allegations yesterday that Larry Birkhead is not the upstanding, profoundly moral soul we’d expect an Anna Nicole Smith ex to be left us to speculate on our own about his torrid secrets. Now, TMZ dumps lighter fluid and a match on the smoldering coals with suspiciously well-timed rumors that MSNBC anchor Rita Cosby’s dishy Anna Nicole tell-all — conveniently available Sept. 4! — claims Birkhead slipped Howard K. Stern something entirely different:

Rumors are swirling about the book, Blond Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith’s Death, due out next week. TMZ has heard Cosby will say she has documents that prove Larry Birkhead essentially bought the baby from Howard K. Stern. The publisher is mum until next Tuesday.

OK! magazine will preview the tome next week. Birkhead says, “OK! is on notice those allegations are false, and if they print them as truth, they will be sued as well.” Birkhead adds, “I’ll go after any media outlet that prints those lies from that book.”

For the sake of Birkhead, so far the least skeezy-seeming party in this whole sordid epic, we hope it’s not true — or, that he got a receipt with an exchange policy, because imagine the buyer’s remorse from finding out you illegally paid for a baby that DNA tests claim should’ve been yours from the get-go for free.

• Birkhead to Rita — Say That And I’ll Sue You [TMZ]